5 Things to Unlearn Before 2020
2020 is right around the corner marking not only a new year but a new decade!
A new decade begs for certain mentalities to be left in the 2010s. Don’t worry, we’re here to help you use these last two months to get in formation. Here’s our top five mindsets we are trying to free ourselves from before 2020:
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1. Not Being Honest About How We Feel
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We would be rich if we counted how many times we sugar coat how we feel to avoid conflict. But you know who eventually is the one who suffers? Yup, you. Entering into this new decade we need to live in our truths. If someone hurt you, let them know. If you feel you could be an asset to your company in a certain area, let them know. If you are overwhelmed and you need help, let someone know. You do not have to struggle with your emotions or live smaller in order to please those around you. We do not have the time for that in 2020. Start saying how you feel regardless of how it makes others feel - within reason of course.
2. Shame Talk
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Whew, out of all the emotions, shame certainly makes the top 3 - simply because shame makes you doubt who you are and if you're where you should be. Shame, at its core, is the fear of being unlovable- that people won't love or view us the same if they knew the truth about us. Shame impacts how we think, communicate and can control what we do. Countless thoughts play over and over in your head: "What will they think? They can't find out about _____, and am I even qualified enough to discuss x, y, and z?” Shame will leave you crippled. Whenever we hear those thoughts taking over and leaving us stuck with fear, it is essential to change the narrative.
In "Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown, she talks about the four practices we need to do to build shame resilience: Name it, talk about it, own your story, and tell your story. Brown says that to out shame, we need to be vulnerable to name where our shame stems from, talk about it with others(so it loses its power), own your story, and then tell others your story! By practicing these four principals, you are overcoming shame and letting those around you see that shame does not control you.
If you want to dig deeper into shame, read “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown.
3. Projecting
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Projection is by far the most common defense mechanism.
"Psychological projection involves projecting undesirable feelings or emotions onto someone else, rather than admitting to or dealing with the unwanted feelings" via everydayhealth.
Whenever we have emotions that we don't deal with, we tend to project it onto others. For example, Sam starts assuming her boyfriend is cheating because she is struggling with her infidelity. Another example would be Veronica getting frustrated with her friends for not reaching out when she is the one who never reaches out. Issa lot, but how can we stop projection in its tracks? This might sound cliche, but the key is to dig deep and find pinpoint your weaknesses and areas you can improve. Healthline says,
"Look at your behavior and see if you tend to blame others for things you do or incorrectly assign negative qualities to others. If you do, take note of it and move on. Try not to dwell on it and judge yourself too harshly."
Bringing light to this issue will help you notice it and stop this behavior in its tracks. We're too grown to project onto others, and if left unchecked, no one is going to want to stick around.
4. Terrible Listening Skills
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In this age, everything requires our attention and distractions come every five seconds. You can multitask most things, but you can’t multitask when it comes to listening. Here are some tips on how to improve your listening skills and get the most out of your conversations.
Read: https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
5. Not Taking yourself seriously
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How many promises have you made with yourself that you’ve broken? Often we observe the relationships we have with others, but the most important one is the relationship you have with yourself. As we get closer to entering into 2020, it’s time to honor our goals and finish our projects - because we owe it to ourselves. Don’t let the person you continually let down be yourself.- That's the worst type of neglect.
