Black Women Should Expect Romance

This is a public service announcement: Black women should expect romance.

TW: Rape, abuse

You might have read that statement and thought, “well, yeah?” The statement in of itself is a  simple enough concept to grasp, right? As a woman, you should expect romance (which by definition is defined as “to carry on a love affair with”); flowers, dates, reciprocation, letters, unsolicited support and encouragement, chivalry (if you’re into that sort of thing of course), etc.

But, the truth of the matter is that Black women don’t expect romance.

Sure, they wish for it, pray for it, and cross their fingers while they sage their home, hoping to invite the romantic energy into their lives, but they don’t expect it; we don’t expect it.

And maybe, this lack of expectation stems from the historical role(s) of Black women. You know, those historical roles that have restricted us to being givers, solvers, contributors, defenders, nurturers, and foot soldiers.

Roles that, quite frankly, don’t allow people of any sex or gender, to be expectant to their own desires or needs, regardless of their nature.

While young girls and women of different races and ethnicities were being taught not only how to cater to and acknowledge their wishes, desires, and feminine needs, black women and girls of similar ages were being inducted into a role of championing for their people.

This self-abandonment and spearheading trend can be seen throughout the history of black people. For instance, during the American Civil Rights Movement, black women served as the “chief sources for the mobilization of people and movement capital…”

Black women created not only the familial united front (a.k.a. the “mobilization of people”) that was critical in the success of the movement, but their own organizations (i.e.  the National Council of Negro Women and the Women’s Political Council [and though they did not create the Montgomery Improvement Association, they were responsible for the day to day tasks which continued to the smooth operations of the organization]).

When you take the time to comb through the legacy and history of the civil rights movement, you’ll see that these women held pivotal roles, while simultaneously providing the much needed emotional and intellectual support for the leaders of the movement.

Without doubt anyone can see that these women charged head first into the fiery wrath that was the civil rights movement, and they did so with the class of pressed skirts and shiny hair. So, why is it that these women received and continue to receive, so “little recognition for such dedicated participation”?

Sure, there are many plausible causes, but as Malcolm X put it, it is because :

The most disrespected woman in America is the black woman. The most un-protected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman.

This disrespect, which although began centuries before any of us were birthed into the world, probably contributed to the lack of recognition black women in the civil rights movement garnered.

And perhaps the disrespect that Malcom X is referencing, contributed to Black women being forced into the role of being the giver and not the receiver.

And maybe somewhere along the line of rape, slavery, bondage, protests, speeches, Twitter rants, and sad snapchat stories, Black women accepted that they shouldn’t be expectant.

This lack of expectation has bled into all areas of many a Black woman’s life, including her romantic relationships.

Come on, how many of you know a Black woman who is not only putting up with, but facilitating struggle love?

How many of you know a Black woman whose partner never takes them on dinner dates, or forgets their birthday each year, or knows that they love to watch sci-fi movies, but yet they always have the television channel on the latest football game? How many of you know a Black woman who has to beg and plead with their partner to compliment them, support them, encourage them, and pull their financial weight?

And how many of you are willing to admit that, that woman is you?

Black women, I implore you to stop begging for romance, stop fighting for romance, and stop being complacent in the neglect of the romance you want and deserve.

It is high time that we not only shed the heavy cloaks of being spearheads and continous givers, but that we expect to be the recievers. We should expect the flowers, and we should expect to receive tickets to that new art show we’ve been talking about for weeks, we should expect to have the outfit we spent hours obsessing over complimented, we should expect to have the new project we’ve been meticulously organizing at work praised, we should expect fidelity (hello Jayda Cheaves), we should expect to have a hug and a kiss when we walk through the door; we should be expecting romance.

If we don’t expect romance for ourselves, then who is going to expect it for us? The answer is nobody.

Now, this isn’t to say that your partner should be omniscient in regard to your feelings, thoughts, and preferences. This is to say that you should not find yourself in a never-ending concession of your desires, nor should you be in a battle with your significant other, fighting for these same feelings, thoughts, and preferences to be acknowledged and appeased.

Romance is often thought of as a literary affair of guns, roses, and rendezvous. But, what it boils down to in this generation, is simply communication, respect, and effort.

And tell me, who is more deserving of these things, than the long-forgotten, long-forsaken, Black woman?

I urge you, Black woman, expect romance, demand romance, and be fearless in your pursuit of it.