To The Black Girl In Love: You Need Self-Care

“He was the last thread suspending me in the light. Without him, I can feel myself spiraling downward, falling to a place where I can no longer pull myself back up.”

Does that sound familiar to you? Don’t rack your brain thinking of this movie or that book, trying to pinpoint the source of the words, but focus on the feelings and emotions that are conjured up when you read them.

None of us want to be that person. You know, the person who is so immersed in their partner that they become a shell of their former self.

Source: http://beyoncse.tumblr.com/post/110000685100

None of us want to forget who we are, what we want, where we are, and where we are going. But, it happens. It happens to the women you see on Instagram, who seem to have a life full of glitz and glam and Fashion Nova paid ads, and it happens to the actresses you praise on screen. It happens to your best friend, it happens to politicians, it happens to corporate ladder climbers, and it happens to you.

Women, and particularly Black women, have a history of throwing themselves into people. In the midst of “a seemingly never-ending role of being the giver, the solver, the contributor, the defender, the nurturer, and the foot soldier”, Black women also find themselves wrapping their partner’s in their loving embrace.

There’s nothing explictly wrong with this, right? Afterall love, by nature, should self-less. Love, by nature, should be a cycle of giving and receiving without contempt or contesting. But, more often than not, women, Black women, give and give and give.

We give children, we give sex, we give love, we give commitment, we give fidelity, we give faith, we give financial support, and we give knowledge. We give so much until there seems to come a day where we can suddenly no longer pull ourselves back up.

We give all we can until our partners become “the last thread suspending” us.

Source: http://www.lipstickalley.com/showthread.php/964549-Why-do-some-black-women-on-LSA-get-mad-at-other-black-women-for-liking-non-black-males

But, this doesn’t have to be your reality, our reality. Love, while it can be all-encompassing, should not overtake you. You shouldn’t feel dragged down to the depths of somewhere that you can’t return from. This shouldn’t be so because number one, you should be practicing self-care, and number two, you should have a partner who would not allow this to be so.

But, let’s focus on the first reason for the remainder of this article. Self-care isn’t necessarily luxury spa days, beauty treatments, and meditating on top of a mountain somewhere in god knows where; it can be simple. For example, my self-care is The Golden Girl’s marathons, warm cups of lemon and ginger tea, and writing.

Self-care is different for each person, but, there are some general guidelines that we would like to suggest when exploring your prospective self-care ritual:

1.  It’s okay to isolate yourself.

When I was doing research for this article, I discovered that many publications suggested regular interaction with friends, family, coworkers, etc., While forming and maintaining healthy relationships with the people around you can serve as a form of self-care, you should be aware that it is not a requirement. If you enjoy, need, or want a day where you’re locked in your bathroom, soaking in an Epsom salt bath while mango conditioner sits your hair, do that. If you would prefer to binge-watch Big Mouth rather than going out with your girlfriends, do that.

2.   Incorporate physical activity into your self-care rituals.

No you don’t have to do cardio [although it is great for your heart health], but find some sort of physical activity that you can regular partake in and enjoy. Whether that be yoga, weight lifting, biking, swimming, hiking, jogging, tai chi, dance, pole dancing, etc., get your blood pumping. Exercise is a great way to release endorphins [a.k.a. the happy chemical].

3.  Find a goal, set it, complete it, and repeat.

We’re not saying that your prospective goals should be some lofty farfetched thing [although, they can be if you’d like them to be]. Your goal can be to finish the laundry you’ve had stacked on your living room sofa for a week, or to eat healthy three times that week, or to complete your school assignment two days before the due date, or it can be to hit the gym twice that week. Whatever goal you have in mind, set it, complete it, and repeat. After all, research has shown that completing goals we set for ourselves can in fact release dopamine.

4. Be honest with yourself about what you do and don’t like.

It’s easy to hop on social media and see your favorite influencer hiking up a mountain just as the sun fills the sky with light and warmth, and later think “maybe I should do that.” And you think that because your favorite YouTuber sages their home and meditates three times a day for their self-care, that you should do it too. And you think these things and try these things, even though you know that you hate waking up early and you hate hiking and you gag at the smell of sage and you know that you almost always doze off when meditating. Please remember that self-care is different for everybody, and for self-care to be effective, you have to do just that, care for yourself. Be honest in what you like, it will be make your self-care journey so much more rewarding.

5. Know your love language and communicate that with your partner.

What better way to adhere to your self-care needs in a relationship, than to know how you want and need to be loved? Knowing and having your love language be catered to is not only vital for the success of your relationship, but for the success of your mental and emotional health. Click here to take the free love language quiz so you can discover yours.

Self-care can seem like a daunting task when you’re in a relationship. But, it shouldn’t be. Just as you care for and nurture your partner, you should be caring for and nurturing yourself. After all, you deserve it.

Source: https://sheleadsafrica.org/stress-4-ways-practice-self-care/