Let's Talk About Sex
Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that sex has become a bit of a taboo conversation piece among the Black community, especially Black women. Whether it’s sexual health, masturbation or STDs statistics…
Black women don’t talk about sex enough and that should be changed.
Recently, a video posted on Twitter by Vibrantcurlz (above) had me questioning why is sex such an uncomfortable topic when it comes to Black women. In the video, Vibrantcurlz’s mother makes a face of shock and disapproval (which is proved to be a joke in another video) upon seeing her daughter throw a box of condoms in a shopping cart.
After watching this video, I reflected on how my past birds-and-the-bees conversations with my mother, a Southern Belle, were pretty nonexistent until I got to high school. Sadly (and probably hypocritically), even though I’m currently an adult, trying to talk to my mom about sex is a bit difficult due to the fact she has strict beliefs about preserving one’s virginity.
In a somewhat different light, some of my friends that I’ve been close to for years have not been able to discuss their sex lives/interests with me, other close friends or their family for reasons I find intriguingly odd yet similar to mine.
Image: Thinkstock
The Verdicts
Within the past few days, I decided to asks some close friends and family members on their opinions of the topic of sex and black women. Specifically, if they believe that black women are open to discussing sex (e.g. sexual health, self-arousal, etc.) more openly.
Question: Do you belive that black women are open to discussing sex (e.g. sexual health, self-arousal, STDs, etc)? Why or why not?
Diamond: “Yes, I think black women are open to having the conversation. Unfortunately, I feel like we have to start a lot of conversations just for us to even feel a fraction of understood. But more specifically to the question that was asked, I believe we’re willing to speak on sexual health, self-arousal or even our own experiences as a means of educating the next and ourselves. I think black women have the power to manifest whatever we want to in this word, we just have to tap into it. I seldom come across a black woman in my life that wasn’t bold enough to speak on whatever was on her mind.”
Jason: “I think [black women] are when they feel they won’t be judged or shamed for their feelings on it.”
Malik: “They're open. Black women have been shut down by us men for generations in reference to sexual health/pleasure. Up until the most recent generations, black women were silenced. Now, they've been showing a very open acceptance of sexual awareness.”
Cappy: “I think we’re more open about it now than in the past generations, but I still think it’s a work in progress and probably will always be that way. I think that black women have always been sexualized and seen as promiscuous by other groups of people unfortunately. So to combat against that reputation, we may be less open to talking about things like sex so our words don’t get twisted and we won’t be seen in a negative light.”
Christina: “I haven't met a Black girl who doesn't like to talk about sex and stuff, but I don't just talk to a stranger about it. If we're friends, then yeah we talk about it. I'm open to all of my black girlfriends and no one has had a problem with it.”
Morgan: “I personally don’t mind discussing sex but I feel like a lot of black women aren’t open to discussing sex or sexual health in general because it can be a source of embarrassment.”
Jade: “I want to say yes because a lot of black women see the importance in the matter and don’t want to be ashamed of their sexuality or of sexual health and hygiene. In other cases, some black women are oversexualized so they discount their sex appeal, sexual identity, and sexual intelligence by a lot. I believe nowadays the latter is a generational thing and the former is us breaking the chain.”
Zykuria: “I thinks it's more discussed in our generation now but definitely not as much as it should be. In my experience, it's mostly due to the household environment. A lot of black families aren't as quick to openly talk about sexuality as much, and a lot of women are left to explore it on their own. This even branches out to mental health and stuff like that but that's a whole different subject on it's own.”
Janaye: “I feel that black women should be open to discussing sex as it can be beneficial from an educational standpoint, especially when discussing sexual health.”
Jamal: “I believe they are, purely from experience. A lot of people don’t like to talk about it for some reason, but my girlfriend and I definitely have. I feel like it’s very important not just because you’re trying to have great sex, but because it draws you closer together with the person you’re involved with. Communication is everything and this needs to be talked about as well. Learning your partner's body from their perspective is the best, and helping each other get regular checkups such as breast exams and etc. for females and males alike. That’s another level of caring for someone making sure their body is constantly in tune. It’s not that black women don’t want to talk about, sometimes us, the black male need to intimidate the conversation. But it will only happen with someone you truly care about, I feel.”
Josh: “If feel that most are. Given the proper setting, I feel that most black women will be comfortable expressing themselves sexually and are willing to learn about sexual health. I feel this way only because I can not tell you a single black woman that I know who wouldn't be willing to have those types of discussions—like at all.”
Khalia: “I believe the younger black women are more open when it comes to sexuality than older black woman. My reason for that is because we live in a different time now where openly talking about things like that is more acceptable now.”
Denisha: “Yes I do, because as a black woman myself I don’t see an issue with it. If anything, I think we should talk about it more to raise awareness. It’s something everyone should know no matter who you are.”
Final thoughts
Granted talking about sex might seem like a taboo subject, it’s really important to discuss sex in all lights. Whether it’s about STDs, self-arousal or just plain intercourse, black women should not have to feel ashamed or disgusted for wanting to talk about sex. Black women should not feel invalidated for wanting to educate themselves further about sex beyond the means of social media. Black women should feel safe about talking about sex without having to worry about being scrutinized by their peers and family members. Given that some of the previous statements are better said than done, I truly believe that if we work to talk about all aspects of sex within the Black community then we can avoid handing down the ignorant cycle of shame and embarrassment of talking about sex to younger generations.
