Reconcilation: The One That (Maybe) Got Away

November; it's the time where we collectively acknowledge that the year is coming to an end.

Thoughts of hot girl, city boyz, and city girl summer have long faded away, and our focus has shifted to tax returns, ending and beginning school semesters, travels, and holidays. Our summer and fall escapades have winded down from active plans, to not so distant memories. And, in times of nostalgia, perhaps when a chilly breeze makes you shiver, or when you see a Hallmark a movie with a perfectly quirky couple, in a perfectly quirky town, you’re finding yourself feeling a bit reminiscent of those times.

So, you begin scrolling through the virtually captured memories of your summer (and fall) dalliances via Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging.

As you scroll, you come across that someone. A smile creeps onto your face, and you suddenly begin to wonder, what they’re doing, or where they are, or maybe even, what could have been.

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Of course, there are numerous reasons to avoid reaching out to an old fling, or even an ex. But, to be devil’s advocate, here are four reasons why you can, and maybe should, consider reconciliation:

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1. Your relationship ended amicably.

There were no snarky text messages exchanged, no damaged property, no inclusion of defensive friends, no insults hurled this way and that, (either directly or indirectly), and there were no spikes in blood pressure. Whether it be for one reason or another, the two of you ended things with no dangling strings.

2. Neither you nor your previous partner have lost respect and trust in and for each other.

A major part of a healthy relationship, both platonic and romantic, is having trust and respect for the other person. It is nearly impossible to have a viable partnership with anyone when you do not respect them or trust them as not only your partner, but as a person.

3. You're both single and free of attachments.

If one of you, or both of you, is tied up with another person, or persons, a reconciliation is probably not going to work. You don't know what their situation is with the other person, how long they've been getting to know each other, the extent of their sexual history, and the extent of their feelings for each other; something which is a recipe for disaster. And hey, maybe they're not involved with someone else, but you are. So, now here you are trying to divide your time, emotions, and energy between two people. And keep in mind that one of these people will probably have more of those things than the other, resulting in confusion for you, and the one who is getting the lesser end of the deal.

4. There are lingering feelings.

Maybe it’s you, or them, or both of you, but someone is thinking of the other. One of you (or both of you) is remembering that summer fair you went to, or you’re thinking about the time where they bit your ear ever so gently while they whispered your name, and maybe you’re even thinking about the night when they held you after the party. Whatever it is you’re thinking, you know, or they know, or both you know, that there are still feelings there.

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After reading that, you might be thinking “yeah, I think I can consider a reconciliation.” But, with that thought comes the dilemma of figuring how to initiate reconciliation. Well never fear, we have a few suggestions for you:

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1. The text message.

While it might seem daunting at first, especially if you're considering the amount of time that has passed since the two of you have spoken, we would like to assure you that you can never go wrong with a text. Lead off by recalling a fun memory together, or, keep it simple by sending a “hey”, followed along by a familiar emoji.

2. The ambiguous social media reach out.

If you're wanting to feel them out before you dive headfirst into the open line of communication that a text message is, we suggest that you like a few of their pictures on social media. Not one or two, that's just friendly, we suggest about 3 or 4 or maybe even 5. It's ambiguous but somehow, it simultaneously conveys the message "hey, I'm still interested." And if they like a couple of your pictures back, then we can all but guarantee that you're more than likely on the same page.

3. Contact through friends.

So if the ambiguous social media reach out is still too forward for you, then we have an alternative option. If you happen to run in the same circle of friends or colleagues, then perhaps you could conveniently attend an event in which you know they'll be, or have a strong likelihood of attending. This way, you're cushioned by the security of familiarity, and when communicating with them there won't be a blatantly obvious undertone of "definitely trying to gauge if you're still interested in me. Yes? no? possibly?"

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Yes, it’s true, reconciliation is essentially the age old query of, “to be or not to be”. But, come on, don’t end the decade with those pesky “what if” thoughts. Resurrect that hot girl confidence and explore what could and what can be; you never know what you’re missing.