Slim Pickins: Dating As A Dark Skinned Black Woman Is Rough

Colorism, is most commonly defined as discrimination towards a person due to the color of their skin.

This discrimination, which is maintained by not only those outside of a particular race or ethnicity, but those within it as well, has created an almost impossible to navigate, disadvantaged social circuit for darker skinned people.

Research shows that colorism has skewed not only the socio-economic lives of Black people, but their personal lives as well; something which of course includes dating. Dating as a dark skinned black person, and more specifically, dating as a dark skinned Black woman, is a terrifying paradox of intrigue and vilipend.

Due to centuries worth of caricatures and stereotypes (some of which are repeatedly perpetuated by Black people [you can thank, in part, Martin Lawrence and Tyler Perry]) dark skinned Black women are often times viewed as less desirable options in the dating and marriage pool.

Seen as being “loud, rude, malicious, stubborn, and overbearing” , as well as sexually promiscuous, dating and marrying a dark skinned Black woman is a continually scrutinized act.

Thanks to this scrutinization (among other things), it often feels as though people of all races approach dating a dark skinned Black woman with a sense of caution, or rejection in favor of either lighter skinned Black women, mixed race women, or women of different races and ethnicities.

But they’re not the only ones that make dating as a dark skinned Black woman a difficult task, it is also those who associate dating a dark skinned Black woman, as an indicator of their own intellectual and emotional enlightenment.

These people, regardless of their race and ethnicity, sport a dark skinned Black woman on their arm as though a badge, or medal, on their chest; which reads “hey world, look at me. I’m not as shallow and main stream as others; as a matter of fact, I’m woke. I have a DARK SKINNED Black woman to prove it!”

And what about the people who slip off the panties of a dark skinned Black woman, find solace in between her legs, and then refuse to commit to her?

Yes, it’s true, dating as a dark skinned Black woman is rough. But should these odds force you as a dark skinned Black woman to revamp your standards, your preferences, your opinions, your self esteem, and character?

Danielle Brooks Black Girl Magic No Gif by GIFER

“Nope, no no, no.”

While a few tips won’t revolutionize the face of dating for all dark skinned Black women, they can help improve your dating experience:

1.   Remind yourself that you are not a sexual conquest, a badge, or a reject.

If you have to talk to yourself, leave notes on your mirror, ceiling, or hourly reminders in your phone, do it, and remind yourself that you are none of the above. While this can seem silly at first, it has been proven that self-talk influences behavior and cognition.

2.   Therapy, Therapy, Therapy.

Dark skinned Black women who are attempting to navigate the dating scene, (among other social experiences) often find themselves with mental, emotional, or even physical scars. We strongly encourage you, regardless of your dating history, to seek out a licensed therapist so that you can begin your healing journey and begin your pursuit of authentic and healthy relationships.

3.    Incorporate positive images of dark skinned Black women in healthy and fulfilling relationships in your life.

Research shows that we more easily trust and believe in those people who look like us. So, if you’re feeling as though hope is lost for you to find a quality partner as a dark skinned Black woman, then find women who inspire you to believe again. Some of our favorites include, Ryan Destiny and Keith Powers, Jackie Aina and Denis Asamoah, Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade, Viola Davis and Julius Tennon, Kelly Rowland and Tim Weatherspoon, etc.

4.   Have an accountability partner.

It is vital that you have someone in your life who can hold you accountable for not only the quality of people that you date, but the treatment that you receive by these people. No matter how cognizant you might think yourself, you’re still a person, and as many people, you can be blinded by emotions or circumstance.

 It’s hard, we know, but don’t settle, and don’t give up. Regardless of the obstacles that life has thrown at you dark skinned woman, you were born to overcome, and as any person, you were born with the opportunity to find happiness. And please remember that true happiness, will not have to come as a result of you sacrificing your standards, your preferences, your desires, and your self-esteem.