Why I Don’t Idolize the Women’s Tribes I See on Social Media
In this new era of self-care retreats and girls’ trips, its easy to get discouraged if you haven’t found your tribe of RODs. But woman to woman; Queen, you are enough.
Self-comparison creeps in like a thief in the night, and instead of using social media as a form of entertainment, it becomes an unhealthy distraction that robs us of joy; and warps our perception of what it means to be successful. In this culture of get rich quick schemes, unrealistic expectations and inaccurate representations of friendship/relationship envy; it’s hard to not feel some type of way about your life not measuring up or mirroring certain lifestyles.
Everyday our timelines are flooded with melanated girlfriends on sandy beaches, turning heads with their beautiful bodies, hair slayed for the gawds, color coordinated outfits, and sophisticated styles like a Black version of Sex in The City.
Photo from https://twitter.com/TheRoot
Our brains are overloaded with perfectly curated content and epic experiences with endless hashtags about squad goals and passport stamps, followed by a filtered candid moment, 10 women deep living their best lives. If you’re not a member of one these groups, it’s easy to question what you could be doing wrong and have a case of FOMO (fear of missing out), wondering where you fit in.
We did not all grow up with our mothers as our best friends or with sisters/cousins to hang out with. We did not all find the perfect clique in college. And as we go through life’s transitions and get overwhelmed with responsibilities, the idea of a quick weekend trip to Jamaica becomes increasingly less practical.
In fact, many of us don’t even have the tools to cultivate long-term friendships with other women or the confidence to approach them about what we may have common.
The truth is, friendship takes work, and as we get older nurturing and maintaining these connections take a lot of effort. And if you’re anything like me, mustering the courage to talk to someone new is dreadful. As a recovering introvert, this year I made a promise to myself to step outside of my comfort zone and attend more events to meet like-minded women who want to build meaningful relationships. At this stage in my life, I desire authenticity and vulnerability; and that level of platonic intimacy comes from the freedom of wanting to be fully myself.
I believe in the law of attraction and along that same wave length, that we attract what we are ready for.
If you want a good, solid friendships with women, you have to be willing to put in the time and effort to create what you want. You also cannot allow things like having a poor track record of past girlfriends, or other people’s experiences dictate the quality of friendships that you could potentially have.
Having goal worthy Friends like the ones Beyoncé’ describes on the Everything Is Love album that goes beyond the surface, requires loyalty, trust, and commitment.
Those types of bonds do not happen overnight, and if you have people in your life who go hard for you, cherish them because they are hard to find these days.
My best friend of 13 years and I live in different states and have busy lives as mothers, wives, and working women but take the time out of our busy schedules to speak to one another on a daily basis. I am blessed to have someone like her to crack jokes with, vent to, pray andtwerk with on video chat, and indulge in adult beverages with for Thirsty Thursdays.
Our sisterhood would not have lasted this long had we not both made it a priority, and believed in it as much as we do. Of course, we would love to add to our Dynamic Duo, and flex for the ‘gram, but we subscribe to the belief in quality over quantity.
And…if you’re not looking for that type of friendship where you open up and share, and you just want to get together for brunch or happy hour, that’s fine too. Or if you have a sea of sister friends who you can island hop with, do it sis; I’m not even mad. I will be that virtual friend hyping you up in your comments like “y’all better be in formation!”
