Why You Should Live Your Best Life and Skip Cuffing Season
Commitment phobia is a real thing, and women suffer from it too. Or should I say that we fear wasting our time invested in someone who isn’t really invested in us?
“Cuffing Season” is among us. Ah, the time of year in which we pull out our sweaters and jackets. We sqap our iced coffees for lattes and, oh yeah, we open our hearts up to romance. Or at least that’s how social media will have it.
The above tweet certainly rings true, we totally encourage you to pursue the feelings you have for someone else that have been budding inside of you. But, don’t get it twisted. Don’t feel that these feelings have to be at all dictated by any particularly season.
We all love the idea of being in relationships but sometimes lack the mental and emotional fortitude of giving the necessary effort. We have all either been in relationships that have failed or heard horror stories from other people about their less than enjoyable experiences.
The fact of the matter is, no one enjoys putting time in getting to know someone or just to have things fall apart.
As a result, many of us become jaded and/or metaphorically beat ourselves up. Our heads begin to swarm with ‘what ifs’ and an array of possible negative outcomes. It is oh so important to work through these thoughts before getting into something new.
Then after weeks, months or even years of pain and hurt feelings, we develop tough skin and once we’re healed, we no longer settle for the bare minimum. We become pros at ghosting, leaving you on read, and may even indulge in casual sex. Some of us even become serial daters just to keep things spicy and interesting. Our curve game becomes so strong that we call smell bullshit a mile away, and if and only if we’re in the mood, we may entertain what homeboy has to say if his game is tight.
Situationships were created as a substitute, giving the illusion that it has the makings of a relationship, without any real commitment or accountability. Having friends with benefits is all fun and games, until someone catches feelings. So, if you feel like you might catch a lil something, run for the hill’s sis, we ain’t doin that.
I have a running joke with my bestie about how I didn’t use labels back in my late teens and early twenties. I would go through the talking phase, entertain conversations and socialize casually, but that’s as far as it would go. Occasionally, I would meet someone that I could see myself being exclusive with and give them the honor of calling me their girlfriend.
Take it from the late, great Nipsey Hussle who said it best, “you can’t possess people, you can only experience them.”
I used to view relationships like Black women do hairstyles, a way to keep things fun and ever changing. Sometimes I want braids, but I also want faux locs and a bomb weave, better yet I might hit em’ with the big chop. I loved the freedom that comes with singleness, but low-key wanted a relationship, then again I liked my space and got bored easily so I thought I might lose interest. But at the same time I would get jealous if my special someone entertained someone that wasn’t me.
Alexa, play Undecided by Chris Brown
I never liked the feeling of being tied down or caged in. It was as though I had to fit into this cookie cutter version of the perfect partner. Women are expected to look good, know how to cook, clean, have a well-paying job, be classy, and have strong enough knees to drop it low to twerk like Megan Thee Stallion. This is tew much bruh.
Know that when it comes to relationships of any kind your needs are just as important as when they were single and the same rings true for the other person(s) involved. People are not sweaters to whip out for a certain amount of time and discard once the season has passed. Relationships come and go but maintain the care for yourself and respect for others for the best outcome for all involved.
It’s time for women to take control over our sexuality and get what we want out of life. Now, I’m not telling you to hook up with your personal trainer from the gym or take things seriously with your work husband with the dreads, all I’m saying is live your MF life.
