In the Midst of Grief, It's Perfectly Fine to Unplug
On Sunday afternoon I landed in Hawaii and my heart sank into my stomach once I turned off airplane mode on my phone. By the following Saturday, my head is ready to explode.
It’s safe to safe the news of NBA legend Kobe Bryant’s death shocked us all, globally. As Sunday transitioned into Monday I personally had a hard time thinking of much else, even while being on vacation. All the typical questions of “why” and “what happened” swirled in my mind in a constant cycle of unanswered devastation.
Browsing social media offered some comfort as my timelines were nearly completely consumed with the details of the crash, flashbacks on Kobe’s epic career and bittersweet photos of Kobe and his 13-year-old daughter Gianna who also perished in the crash.
And as Monday transitioned into Tuesday I began to physically feel sick to my stomach. I woke on Tuesday morning mentally looking forward to another day of beach adventures and perfect weather but my heart and spirit were still distraught. Despite having cried and despite having prayed for the crash victims’ families— I still felt a sharp devastation that we had lost such an icon and that the other victims had lost their lives in such a horrific way.
I know I’m not alone, but you would think we knew Kobe personally based on how much public grieving and on the magnitude of the outpouring of love for this man.
No doubt for many 20-somethings like myself, Kobe was a celebrity we grew up with.
From his appearances on our favorite TV shows and music videos to (of course) his domination on the court and our (inevitable) practice of yelling “Kobe!” when shooting anything into a trashcan or basketball hoop. Kobe Bryant was an intricate part of Black culture. He was a constant presence and a household name. And in that way, he was like family.
Kobe made an appearance on Moesha in 1996.
So, the depth of this grief across our communities makes sense to me. But as with other celebrity deaths or high-profile tragedies I’ve learned that the constant exposure to it can be detrimental to our mental health.
Much like the police shooting videos that circled social media for weeks after they occurred, I soon found myself sinking into a mild depression and it eventually eclipsed my world view. And much like that period, by Thursday of this past week once I found myself crying twice a day, I knew it was time to shut my phone off and distance myself from all the news surrounding the tragedy. As much love as I have for Kobe it was time to turn it off.
So for the next few days I muted all things Kobe. And as harsh as that sounds it was necessary. And I encourage all of you to do the same if you find yourself struggling.
There’s nothing we can do to change what’s happened but we can continue to honor Kobe and Gianna’s legacy in meaningful and measured ways.
If you need to step back from the sadness for a bit I’m here to tll you (because sometimes we need to hear/read someone else say it): it’s OK. We are more impactful and effective in furthering our lost loved one’s legacies when we first ensure we have the strength to do so. And in order to do that in the most powerful way, we must first make sure we’re extending self love to ourselves as well.
It’s OK to turn off the news and social media to take a breathe.
Mourn but don’t let it consume you, as hard as that may be. Trust me, I too shed many tears in these past weeks. But I’m turning tears into prayers and ideas on how to be a better overall human in general. Kobe’s life is a superb example of attaining excellence in all areas of life and being persistent about refusing to settle. His example makes me want to remember that the boundaries we place on ourselves are pointless and that we should always aim higher and for greater in life. That’s just the #MAMBA way.
